Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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