If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
