Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
