I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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