brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
the raccoons are back...
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