Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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