I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
We are two peas in an std pod
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
In other news, I just burned my penis
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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