I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
