I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
