the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
