I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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