we should wear snuggies to the strip club
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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