I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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