Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
