Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
