just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
bring money and cleavage
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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