Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Apparently you make a good broom.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
