So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
