His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
