You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
