yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
