just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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