I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Randomize
