I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
