It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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