after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
