Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
