I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
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