it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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