Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
