before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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