I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
