A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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