The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
