you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
