WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
