I want to stick my p in your. b.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
