What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
