the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
