well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
