I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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