I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
