hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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