he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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