now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
