Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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