Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
