Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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