if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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