I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
