textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
